I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
