im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
