haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
