Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
