So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
