Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
