I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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