Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
