and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
