his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
