Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
