I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
