the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize