Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
