If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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