1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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