I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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