im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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