my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is wine microwaveable?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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