I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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