I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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