To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
