I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize