I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
