On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
