Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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