i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
