Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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