Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
