I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize