Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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