she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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