i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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