YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
