I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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