The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize