mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
