I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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