I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
