some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize