i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
