hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
