You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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