I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
