whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and she was petting her beer can
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
