can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
