Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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