she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
