It's Friday. Sex?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love accidental penises.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
