Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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