She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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