i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
