I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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