I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
