her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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