david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
