I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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