You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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