hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Four minutes until I can fart!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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