Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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