I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
