I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
