I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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