My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
