wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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