Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
