just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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