Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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