It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Still dying that you shit outside
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
