I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
