and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
