It's like God shit irony all over that family
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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