Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
